tip # 2- Three Essentials For Building Relationships

relationship-building After your first day, you are usually given the next task at hand, which is how the heck do you start and build a relationship with the students. This tip is about three essentials for how to build up the relationship with that one or two students that you have connected with.
The first is being Faithful. Being faithful does not mean that you wont go off and drop some kid like a bad habit, althoguh you dont want to do that at all. When I sa being faithful it means that you are going to be there for that student every week. “If you are going to work with students, then work with students.” Students are much more observational and smart than people give them credit for. Its kind of funny because in a students mind, after your first day, you are and will be expected to be there for the next 2 months. Never missing a sunday and always being around to talk to those studetns that you have connected with. Students need to see faithfulness on your part because if they see that you will be there and that they can know you will be around. “Kids come to trust adults who consistently ask thoughtful questions and listen carefully.” (page 15)
The second is Openess. Now there is a lot of stuff to unpack in this idea of openess. This could be many different things, it could be opening your house, your car, your wallet, your time, but instead of those i want to focus on the conversational side of openess. I think opening your house, and your wallet and those other things are something that you can work through with your spouse or with your bank account. Those things are important but what is even more important is you understanding what you can and cannot say. There is a fine line between what you can and cant say. One thing that you have to be able to do is to trust the students that you have close to you, that your past will stay within the group. Because not only does it hurt your feelings if they go off and tell a bunch of people about what you have done, butit brings down that trust level and you have to start over again. The fine line comes a lot when you are talking about a certain subject that you may have had a lot of problems with. With guys I know that it can be difficult to not spill some details to help your guys realize that you went through the same thing. Instead of spilling some details that you feel weird about saying, just tell them sternly but lovingly that they should trust you that you know what they are going through. I can’t really say anything about the girl side of things right now because I am not a girl. I can say that when girls have girl talk, be careful at what you tell the girls, because just like the guy side of things, you dont want the girls that look up to you, and trust you, to not look at you the same anymore because of something that you have said to them that freaked them out. So there is a fine line. Sometimes the line can be crossed a little bit, but you never want to cross it all the time. I have a student that does that all the time and it can drive some people crazy, but when you sit him down and tell him that he crossed the line, he understands and he learns from it. The difference between the student and say an adult volunteer, is that the volunteer has a lot more to lose and a lot more to gain when he or she learns that there is a fine line at what you want to say to the students you are mentoring.
The third if Kindness. Be Nice. Treat the students like you would want them to treat you.